This is how I stay sane. Everyone needs a coat rack by their doorway, a place to hang their troubles before they walk through the door. I place to put every ounce of negativity that they have felt from work, school, outside life...in order to enjoy the good things that are waiting at home for them.
This is my coat rack. Don't judge me by it. It drips with disdain and every word gets darker with each tap of the keys.
It's 1:25am. I just got home. Rewind to 1:20 when I was driving on 80 headed towards Jefferson and passed the I-5 exit to Redding. Rewind to 1:19 when I thought about taking the I-5 to your place. Rewind to the three seconds before that debate, where the slightly buzzed version of myself realized that at 1am, after a long day and a beer, all I want is to be shirtless and laying next to you.
Rewind to 1:21 when I told myself what an idiot I am for being so addicted- so madly in love with you, when you do not feel the same way.
I know I jump the gun. I make irrational decisions and bold moves. But it kills me to see you every day and not be able to tell you how much I love you. A secret like that eats away at your soul. So I broke loose just to be free. And now my confession has put me in a dark room alone.
And now I dont know what hurts more- not being able to tell you every day that I love you because it might make you uncomfortable- or knowing that even if I did say it, you still wouldn't say it back.
Its 1:37. And I've said enough. Time to hang my coat up on the rack.
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