I sit here on my couch in my red christmas pajama pants and favorite orange sweatshirt. Raising Helen is playing on TV. Kate Hudson plays a busy career driven thirty-something year old with only one thing on her mind: herself. Her sister passes away in a tradgic accident (car related I think?) and she has just been told she must now look after her two neices and nephew. This is now the scene where she sneaks outside to the back yard to "check on the lawn," aka smoke a cigarette.
I close my eyes and for a minute I am her. This is my cigarette break.
In an hour I will be on my way for my "night" job. No, it's not like that. When I say "waitressing" I mean "waitressing." But at this point I'm wondering if I should rethink my night job for something more financially supporting. I am a proud owner of a "C" cup afterall.
My body is exhausted. In fact I think it's starting to rebel against me. I have been sick three times in the past two months, and I don't think I've been able to breath out of my right nostril in over 4. At the moment I have no voice. Literally...and possibly figuratively.
Today I got a letter in the mail from my school inviting me into Phi Theta Kappa, an international honor society for two-year colleges. Yeah, it's an accomplishment. But also a reminder that I'm still in the minor leagues. After looking over the brochure, my first thought was, "another time commitment." More meetings, more volunteering, more opportunities that I will have to say no to because of work obligations. Something else I will have to pass up for a minimum wage job.
In two and a half years, whether a member of Phi Theta Kappa or not, I will be a proud owner of an AA, something I should have obtained a long time ago. But as I like to say, there's no such thing as "should," and no such thing as, "supposed to be." I will have taken, and hopefully passed, my OTA test, making me a COTA. This acronym is simply just a fancy way to say I'll be making a whopping 40,000 starting and may actually be in a rewarding career that I like. Two years couldn't come soon enough.
Until then I will keep wondering if it's all worth it.
I will keep chugging along. I just hope my caboose will hold up until I can reach my destination.
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